Funny thing happens when you announce that you’re in the process of immigrating: you find out that almost everyone you know knows someone that immigrated at some point. All sorts of brothers, cousins, and friends come out of the woodwork. I’ve had the e-mail address or phone number of some common soul pushed on me no less than 5 different times, I think.
It’s not that I object to this profferance of help — quite the contrary, I deeply appreciate the thought — it’s just that it’s not actually very helpful. To immigrate, broadly, is to move to another country, and that’s about the extent of the majority’s understanding (mine too, until it became pertinent to know more). Based on recent reactions, most, too, seem to think that all one must do is marry to gain legal residence in a new country.
This is one of those things where someone that thinks they know what they’re talking about says “Apple computers are way-overpriced, you’re better off with this Dell laptop,” and you spend the next half an hour telling them why they’re a) wrong, b) an idiot (and their friend has to buy a new laptop within a year). I call it an assumption of knowledge (as, I’m sure, do many others; I doubt I’m the first to observe something like this): you know a thing or two about computers, so you assume you are qualified to comment on Apples, making no effort to learn any of the specifics of Apple. Similarly, you know someone that immigrated once, so now you know all about it. Enough to recommend someone that immigrated by way of an employment visa to someone that is immigrating by way of a spousal visa, anyway, which is of just about no use to me, since there is almost no commonality in the two processes.
I never make a big deal of it. I accept the phone number, smile, and go about my business. Of the phone numbers and e-mail addresses I’ve been given, so far only one of them is similar enough to my situation that I might actually contact them. The rest, never. But for some reason, the people that gave you those details get very offended. “Have you called James yet?” “No, I don’t think he’d actually be very helpful.” “Why on earth not? He immigrated too.” “In a totally different way.” “So what? It’s the same basic thing.” “Not really.” “Well, bugger you then, I was just trying to help.”
See? I’m sure there’s a more tactful way to handle it, but I don’t see why I should have to devise it. This person has nothing to offer me, I’m not going to call him.
And, really, someone’s personal account of their immigration — even if they’re pursuing the exact same visa — isn’t particularly helpful. Yes, they immigrated, no, they are not now experts. The immigration process is almost random: there are tons of forms, all with cryptic acronym names, ridiculous fees that aren’t made immediately obvious anywhere, various stages in the process where something could happen and derail the whole thing, at least two interviews, even more fees and forms and waiting. And who knows what else. Thing is: even within the same kind of visa, everyone’s path through the process is different. One particular form could take longer than someone else’s to process — I have read accounts of the process of applying for the visa I want taking between 6 months and 3 years — you might have to resend a form, forget to include something, miss a field, and so on and so on. If you want to talk to someone about the process, you are better off going to an immigration lawyer, not your Mother’s husband’s brother’s best friend.
That said, there is definitely some value in hearing someone else’s personal experience (assuming they pursued the same visa), but only in the sense that it will help you understand what to expect. And, for that reason, I am grateful if someone can put me in touch with someone in a similar position. But “someone that immigrated too” is a little vague to be of use to me.
As I say, I’m deeply grateful for the thought, this just isn’t very helpful, I’m afraid.
As you might gather from this post: we are, at last, in a position where we are starting to think about the actual immigration process. And that, at the very least, is wonderful. I’m sure this won’t be the last time I mention it.













